I Don't Feel Like Pursuing God. What Now?

       I follow my feelings too much. No, this is not an "emotions are bad and you should never act on them" christian blog post; God created and uses emotions and to outright deny the usefulness of deep, heart-rending emotion is foolish and short-sighted. My problem is that I all too regularly bounce from circumstantial, experiential feeling to circumstantial, experiential feeling and simply don't possess a neutral state of obedience and discipline. A very clear prayer came to my mind when I started thinking through this:

       "God, thank You for not acting on Your feelings."

       Consider Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane on the eve of his crucifixion. Matthew records that His soul was "very sorrowful, even to death," and Luke notes that Jesus was in such agony that He literally was sweating blood, a condition known as hematidrosis. Christ knew exactly what the coming hours held for Him, and in a desperate plea, He prayed "Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from me." Of course He goes on to say "Nevertheless, not My will, but Yours, be done," which is where many teachers and writers camp, rightfully highlighting Christ's faithfulness and submission. I have always found myself struck by the first half of this request; that Jesus Christ, God Himself, seems to be asking for a plan B.

       Jesus, being the God and creator of the universe, did not feel like being arrested, beaten, humiliated, tortured, nailed to a piece of wood and murdered. If He had acted on His desire to opt out and had decided to find a different way to pay the debt of humanity's sin, could one really blame Him?

       Thankfully, we do not worship a God like that.

       We worship a God who is utterly uncompromising. We worship a God who, in perfect communal harmony with Himself, wove His thread of redemption through the tapestry of human history before the very foundations of time were laid. We worship a God who is patient and strong enough to see that plan through in the exact fashion that He planned it. We worship a God who acts according to His promises, not His feelings, justifiable and holy as they are.

       This highlights the fact that experiential feelings and desires simply do not validate themselves. If God Himself decided to not act on the things He was feeling at certain points in history, how much more should we strive to put our feelings below what we know we ought to do? *

       And now we're back to my problem: I follow my feelings too much. So often I simply don't feel like reading the scriptures. I don't feel like praying, I don't feel like handling this situation like Christ would, I don't feel like being loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle or disciplined. I'm always encouraged, at the very least, by my "desire for desire." You know, how you "want to want to?" It tells me that, at the core of my being, I yearn for unity with my Lord, but so often I let my flesh drag me back down to the slums of self-indulgence.

       It is a great help, then, to look to Christ. There we see the Man who was tempted and tried but persevered through His dying breath, even as legions of angels waited upon His command to vanquish His murderers. As with every struggle, simply looking to Christ provides all the perspective that one could need, and through observing and following Him, we may come to start living and acting as we were made to.


       * If you're troubled by the idea of God desiring something that He should not do, consider the circumstance of an engaged man desiring sex with his bride-to-be. This is a normal, healthy desire that is not sinful in any way, but if the man acts on this desire, that is where sin comes in. This is an imperfect illustration because I don't think God would desire something that, if acted upon, would be sinful, but I think you get the point.

The Desolation Of Smaug Has 10 Big Problems

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey was a mixed experience. Even those who liked the film (myself included) have to admit that it had problems, with its awkward rhythm, over indulgence in action scenes and general long-windedness. But for all its flaws, I appreciated quite a few things about An Unexpected Journey. Whenever Bilbo was the center of attention, the film soared. The Riddles in the Dark scene was magnificent. The film was (mostly) gorgeous to look at, and quite a few other little details marked the film as a success, rickety as it was. With the release of The Desolation of Smaug, it would seem like this series will actually hit its stride. The stakes are higher, Bilbo has more to do, the Ring is now fully in play, and we finally get to witness Smaug.

If the movie is half as good as this scene, I'm in.

I just saw The Desolation of Smaug, and I need to get this off my chest: Not only has Jackson failed to avoid the problems of his first installment, but he's introduced a myriad of new flaws, disappointments and over indulgences to a series that is now showing it's true colors as the over-stuffed cash grab that it is. These are the ones that stuck out to me.

1. Things just sort of start happening... and they continue to just sort of... happen.
Good sequels have a way of re-acquainting the audience with the story. The audience catches up with the characters in meaningful, interesting ways (Sarah Connor is in a mental institute, a salvage team rescues Ripley from an eighty year hyper sleep), the audience is invited back into the world in a striking fashion (The Star Destroyer sending probe droids down to Hoth, the future war sequence in T2) and the film just takes its time letting the audience settle into the narrative again. For being such a long movie, The Desolation of Smaug flippently tosses scenes at you left and right from the get-go, and there's no time to actually re-acclimate. First we have the incredibly underwhelming flashback scene in Bree with Gandalf and Thorin, then the dwarves are running away from Wargs, encountering Beorn, getting lost in mirkwood, fighting spiders and being captured by elves within the first thirty minutes. There are no grand establishing shots, no sense of "Yes. We're back in it." Just stuff. Stuff happening. Even the weakest of the LoTR films, The Two Towers, does a great job of dunking you back into Middle Earth (remember that fantastic Balrog opening?) and re-connecting all the dots from The Fellowship of the Ring. More on this sort of stuff later.

2. Beorn is a poorly designed afterthought.
Good design is a hard thing to pin down, but you know it when you see it, and you really know it when you don't. I couldn't stand Beorn. He's too skinny, too eye-brow-y, and he feels like he's of no consequence whatsoever. Then, just as soon as you're starting to process this new character, he's gone, never to be heard from again (until the third film, that is). He feels like a mere footnote, not the powerful, shape-shifting monster that I loved when my mom read The Hobbit to me as a kid.

3. Invisibility is handled poorly.
I get it. Invisibility is fine and dandy to describe in a book, but it doesn't exactly read well on film. The LoTR films hardly feature it at all, and any occurrences of someone wearing the ring are so brief that they don't pose a problem. The Hobbit poses big problems. Multiple scenes require Bilbo to be invisible for extended periods of time, so Peter Jackson had to make some decisions about how to "show" invisibility. Well, I really wish I didn't have to watch the entire spider scene through the "ring-vision" blur filter, and then Bilbo just takes the ring off with Smaug, which effects that scene in ways that I'll hit on later.

4. The Kili and Tauriel love story is beyond ridiculous.
I don't even feel like I need to explain myself here. This sub-plot is the worst offender in the "Why On Earth Is This In The Movie" category. It's embarrassing, unnecessary, and feels like a particularly painful slap in the face to Tolkien's work. Hilariously, Evangeline Lilly herself didn't even want this subplot in the movie.

5. GoPro Footage.
There are these nifty things called GoPro's. They're tiny, $300 cameras that are designed to mount on helmets and whatever else you want to put them on in order to capture footage that would otherwise be impossible to shoot. They're great gadgets, but they simply have no place in a $250,000,000 production. End of story. When my wife and I saw the first shot of GoPro footage in the barrel scene, we looked at each other in disbelief. Its highly compressed, stroboscopic images stick out like a sore thumb in a film that is otherwise shot with 5K camera rigs that cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around how anyone involved thought that was a good idea.

6. Every scene has orcs in it.
Yes, that's an exaggeration, but seriously, think of any iconic scene in the book and just know that there's an 80% chance that orcs are involved in some way now. An Unexpected Journey suffered from this a bit, too, but Smaug ratchets it up to a whole other level. It's clear that Jackson is scraping the bottom of the bucket, trying to inject tension and conflict where it simply isn't needed. The ironic thing is that...

7. Tension and rising action are non-existent.
Conflict and danger don't seem to have any weight to them in Smaug. This goes along with my first point about that "things just happening" feeling. Nothing stuck to the wall for me. There's no foreboding or underlying sense of jeopardy. "Here's the bad, nasty King of Laketown and he's bad and nasty for reasons! Here's Gandalf going off to fight this Necromancer because that's just the thing to do. Here's Beorn. He's a bear thing. Bye Beorn. Oh yeah, there's a dragon in this story, too. He's bad news." On that note...

8. Smaug is not nearly as terrifying as he should be.
Smaug had a few good things going for him. Benedict Cumberbatch has a sweet voice, and the design looks pretty nifty, but Smaug, like everything else in the movie, is just sort of... there. Even though he's not on screen until the last forty minutes or so, Smaug absolutely has to command a certain presence through the length of the move. The film desperately needs a sense of dread emanating from his very existence, with the lonely mountain serving as a haunting spire protruding from the landscape, keeping the company of dwarves ever-mindful of the terrible monster that lies in wait for them. Instead, it felt like the dwarves reached Erabor and then said to Bilbo, "Oh yeah, there's a dragon in there." Aside from the build-up (or lack thereof), Smaug himself doesn't feel all that dangerous. In the book, the only reason why Smaug is entertaining the thought of speaking with Bilbo is because he can't see him, and the reader knows that if Bilbo removes the ring Smaug will disintegrate him. Now here's Bilbo practically dancing in front of Smaug in plain sight and they're just having a chat, and beyond that, Smaug's battle with the dwarves is cartoonish and dopey, with Smaug bypassing opportunities to fry Thorin's company right and left.

9. The ending is a disappointing, head-scratching sucker punch.
I was fully expecting the film to end with [spoilers ahead] Smaug attacking Laketown and being killed by Bard, with the movie then setting the stage for the battle of the five armies. Instead, Smaug is seen flying towards Laketown after battling the dwarves, the screen goes black, and any momentum the film had going for it completely and awkwardly dies. I generally think that entering a movie with expectations is a gross error, but quite frankly, I'm laying the fault on the movie with this one. The fight with Smaug at the end simply didn't feel like a climax. A good film gives you effective indicators when it's reaching its peak and everything is coming to an end, but I didn't feel like I had received any "This is it!" signals by the time the credits rolled. Everything felt unresolved and vague, and the problems didn't just lie with the Smaug story thread, either. Gandalf is last seen in a cage being carried away to some ambiguous place by a bunch of orcs, but the stakes aren't clearly presented and the audience isn't given much reason to care. Legolas is last seen chasing an orc captain on horseback away from Laketown and the same flaws apply there as well. If anything, this is the point where it feels like the action is rising and things are kicking into high gear. Instead, the audience is treated to a black screen and all the wind is sucked out of the sails.

10. On the list of "The 10 Things that The Desolation of Smaug is About," Bilbo would have to be number 8 or 9.
Beyond everything I've criticized, this is the point that puts the nail in the coffin for me. The Hobbit is Bilbo's story. It's as simple as that. If there's one thing that's true of An Unexpected Journey, it's that when Bilbo is on screen, the movie is alive and well. His Journey is the heart of the story, and when we start looking over at Radagast riding around on his rabbit sled, it's clear that the movie has mixed up its priorities.
There's a reason why The Desolation of Smaug feels aimless, random, disconnected and inconsequential. It has no heart, no core, no unifying element that ties it all together. Why? Because Bilbo is a background character, relegated to comedic relief and errand-running. I would guess that his overall screen time adds up to about half of what it was in the first film, if that. Bilbo is no more fleshed out than any of the dwarves when it comes down to it; even Kili seems to get more attention with the silly Tauriel subplot. Jackson makes feeble attempts to highlight Bilbo's growing attachment to the ring, but the movie loses sight of that all too quickly. Yes, Bilbo has his big scene with Smaug, but he's just an errand boy who survives because of dumb luck instead of his wits. I got the same feeling watching Smaug as I did watching The Dark Knight Rises; that sinking realization of "Wow, Batman hasn't been around for a while... and I'm two thirds into the movie." I don't even understand how this happened, how such a grievous error was made on the part of the writers and the director.

The Desolation of Smaug has me scared, because I'm starting to see The Hobbit trilogy veering off onto a road that runs parallel to the Star Wars prequels, and that's frightening territory. It's very clear now that The Hobbit can't (and shouldn't) sustain three films. The material isn't there, and what we're stuck with now is an ungainly beast of its own making that lacks the finesse and purity of Tolkien's work.
With all of this said, I am fully aware that films like this are very difficult to produce. They're endlessly complicated and stressful to make, and I still respect Peter Jackson, if only for the fact that he made the LoTR trilogy, King Kong, and a serviceable Hobbit movie. But it feels like Smaug is the beginning of the end for Jackson, serving as a perfect example of what happens when a director completely loses sight of what his film actually is. 

My Top Ten Movies

Note the asterisks next to some of the movie titles.

* - This movie contains levels of violence, language and dark thematic elements that may be too much for some adult viewers.

** - This movie contains extreme levels of violence, language and dark thematic elements and should be viewed cautiously. 

The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

       
          The Fellowship of the Ring is not a perfect movie. It stumbles in a scene or two (mainly Galadriel's freak out after Frodo looks in the mirror), there are numerous technical goofs and some of the effects haven't aged well after twelve years. With all that said, I absolutely adore this movie. Just the sight of that poster gives me the warm n' fuzzies. This was the first "good movie" I really loved, and I must admit the nostalgia factor is through the roof on this one, but don't underestimate Fellowship's objective merits. The film possesses a kind of kinetic momentum and dynamism that I find less of in the other two Rings films (great as they are), and everything just sits so well, mainly because the film is perfectly cast and expertly paced. This top ten list easily changes two or three times a year, but I'm almost certain that Fellowship will never lose its slot.

Sunshine (2007) *

          Sunshine simply exhibits everything that I appreciate in film. Gorgeous cinematography, deep thematic resonance, space, horror, elegant editing married with fantastic music, and Cillian Murphy. This is sci-fi done absolutely right in every regard. The effects are seamless, the themes are at once massively universal and intensely intimate, the scope is epic in every sense of the word and the whole film is simply beautiful, sometimes to a jaw-dropping extent. It's a shame that all the marketing material for this film presents it as something you would see next to The Core or Volcano in its plot and aesthetics, but make no mistake; Sunshine is first-rate, world class filmmaking that demands your appreciation.

No Country For Old Men (2007) **

          Few films match the poise and confidence with which No Country For Old Men is mounted. It's a film that is so unshakably resolute in its story-telling and editing that it serves as a sort of master class in film structure, pacing and tone. The bleak yet surprisingly straight-forward story unfolds with unflinching realism that is justified by the themes this film sets out to convey. Violence, chaos, evil, foolishness, greed and selfishness are all plumbed to their depths, but there is a precious glimmering light at the end of it all, found in Cormac McCarthy's brilliant image of "carrying the fire" through a dark, viciously cold world. 

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

          If Sunshine is sci-fi done absolutely right, 2001: A Space Odyssey is certainly the film that set the standard where it remains to this day. This is one of those scary-perfect films where, when assessed on its own terms, there is hardly a perceivable flaw in sight. Everything in the art-direction, cinematography, special effects and editing is immaculate. With that said, one must possess two qualities to watch this film: patience, and a willingness to ponder what is transpiring on the screen. Sadly, these qualities are increasingly absent in audiences today, and it's a shame because one of the most spellbinding, richly layered and beautifully shot films ever made is lost on so many.

Gone Baby, Gone (2007) **

          The central topic and thematic core of Gone Baby, Gone almost feels too simple. It's children; how we raise them, what we think of them and the value we place on them. The plot revolves around the kidnapping of a little girl and the treacherous road that is taken by a private detective to find her and get her back. This is a rough movie, and it displays the darkest recesses of human nature with gut-punching weight, but the questions it asks and the topics it brings to light are absolutely essential. The protagonist is forced to make a simple yet seemingly impossible decision at the film's climax that will confound most people, and the implications of his decision are well-worth delving into. No one was expecting to be blown away by Ben Affleck's directorial debut, but he completely side-stepped every doubt and preconceived notion to deliver a masterpiece.

Wall-E (2008)

          Wall-E is summed up in one word for me: joy. As one can see from the surrounding titles on this list, I revel in dark, soul-searching themes and moody atmosphere, but Wall-E simply makes me smile, and it does this for so many reasons. The character of Wall-E himself is nothing short of a marvel of animation. Pixar took a box and a pair of binoculars and turned them into the most expressive, sympathetic, dare I say human character in their entire catalog, and they did it without dialogue. Thomas Newman's score is achingly beautiful and textured (as always), and the movie hits all the right comedic and dramatic notes. Things may get a little weird once the giant baby-people start zooming around in their hover chairs, but Wall-E remains to be an exemplary technical achievement, a touching love story, a solid sci-fi piece and a thoroughly engaging experience through its entire duration.

The Matrix (1999)

          How many films are there that have shaped pop-culture and filmmaking to the extent that The Matrix has? It's easy to forget just how much this film completely revolutionized special effects, marketing, video games and multiple film genres, and showed how all of those elements could be synthesized into something so cohesive and flat-out cool. Even beyond those accomplishments, The Matrix is simply quality filmmaking. The most basic dialogue scenes exhibit the same rock-solid cinematic presentation as the most intricately choreographed action set-pieces, and the film is in no rush to send bullets flying. It has a wonderful, James Cameron-esque three-act structure where pockets of action and sci-fi wizardry sprout up intermittently for the first two thirds of the film, only to be followed by a third act that bursts with unrelenting kinetic energy all the way to the finish line.

The Thing (1982) *

          I don't watch the films on this list very often, just like I don't listen to Kid A by Radiohead very often, because these are special experiences that I dare not over-saturate myself in. The Thing is sort of the anomaly here because I'm pretty sure I could watch this movie once a week and not grow too tired of it. There's something about The Thing that simply delights me, and it's really easy to appreciate The Thing on a "crazy 80's movie"level, but to simply end there would be a great disservice to the skill with which this film was made. The pacing and editing is fantastic, every shot is well-framed, and of course the legendary practical effects are still out-of-your-mind insane in their grotesque intricacy. In addition, the psychological horror of The Thing only grows richer under close scrutiny, which led me to actually love its ending when I previously hated it and thought it to be the film's weakest moment. 

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007) *

          The Assassination of Jesse James is a slow movie. Of course the film's main event is no secret, being it's very title, but the build-up to that moment is a meticulous but fascinating look at idolatry, cowardice, friendship and betrayal. More than that, the descending action that takes place after the assassination is simply some of the most elegantly presented story-telling I have ever seen. A strong argument can be made that this is Brad Pitt's best performance. His portrayal of Jesse is as tragic as it is manic, showcasing a larger-than-life persona anchored by somber introspection, and his scenes with Casey Affleck are scene-chewing wonders on both ends. The Assassination of Jesse James also boasts one of the finest scores I have ever heard in film, which perfectly accentuates the almost mythic nature of the characters and subject matter. 

Zodiac (2007) *

          I certainly enjoyed Zodiac upon my first viewing about two years ago, but having just watched it again recently, I am convinced that it belongs on this list. Zodiac is an overwhelmingly un-film-able story. It spans two-plus decades and contains a dizzying number of details as it recaps the police investigation of the Zodiac serial killer, who's case file is still open to this day in multiple counties in southern California. While lesser directors would simply crumble under the enormity of the narrative, David Fincher crafts a film that, for all its nuances, is deceptively simple in its through-line of simply showing the grinding tedium of real police work. There are no chase scenes, shoot-outs or final show-downs. This is a movie about obsession and frustration, drawn out over maddening lengths of time, where a scene will take place five years after the one preceding it and they still haven't found the killer. Of course it's presented with all of the classic Fincher trademarks: razor-sharp editing, smart dialogue, impeccable cinematography, beautiful low-key lighting and unbeatable performances. See this movie.

The Best Songs I Have Ever Heard

I decided to take a crack at articulating what it is about these seven songs that makes each of them so special to me. If you're taking the time to read this I would encourage you to listen to a few of the pieces I have here, as I think they are all precious examples of musical, philosophical and artistic expression. One thing I wish to note is that even though I primarily praise and analyze the lyrics of the songs listed here, I do hold to the philosophy that if a song contains great lyrics but shoddy music then it is a waste of sonic space and it should simply exist as poetry. I love none of these songs on a strictly lyrical basis and I believe that merely reading the lyrics to a song is a lessened experience. The title of each song is linked to its respective youtube video for your potential convenience.

Videotape
by Radiohead

When I'm at the pearly gates

This will be on my videotape, my videotape

Mephistopheles is just beneath

And he's reaching up to grab me

This is one for the good days

And I have it all here in red, blue, green

In red, blue, green

You are my center when I spin away

Out of control on videotape, on videotape

On videotape, on videotape, on videotape

This is my way of saying goodbye

Cause I can't do it face to face

I'm talking to you before

No matter what happens now

You shouldn't be afraid

Because I know today has been

The most perfect day I've ever seen

====================

Radiohead is not a Christian band and they never have been, but this song, in the very least, begs to be interpreted on a spiritual level. The lyrics reference "pearly gates," and "Mephistopheles," who appeared as the demon in the Faust legend and German folklore, but beyond that one finds this concept of everything we do being on videotape, "in red, blue, green," referencing the additive primary colors used for various kinds of video displays. I adore this language Thom Yorke uses, especially in the line, "You are my center, when I spin away / out of control on videotape." Is this not what we often experience on some level? The feeling that God sees us in our moments where we are out of control, wandering away clumsily and stupidly in plain sight, knowing this will be on our videotape.

A note: Do try and watch the video of this song. It's a live performance by arguably the best band in the world, so take the opportunity to watch them do their thing.

Jesus
by Brand New

Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face

The kind you'd find on someone I could save

If they don't put me away

Well, it'll be a miracle

Do you believe you're missin' out

That everything good is happening somewhere else?

But with nobody in your bed

The night's hard to get through

And I will die all alone

And when I arrive I won't know anyone

Well, Jesus Christ, I'm alone again

So what did you do those three days you were dead?

'cause this problem's gonna last more than the weekend.

Well, Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die,

I'm a little bit scared of what comes after

Do I get the gold chariot?

Do I float through the ceiling?

Do I divide and fall apart?

'cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark

And the ship went down in sight of land

And at the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands?

I know you're coming in the night like a thief

But I've had some time alone to hone my lying technique

I know you think that I'm someone you can trust

But I'm scared I'll get scared and I swear I'll try to nail you back up

So do you think that we could work out a sign?

So I'll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try

I know you've coming for the people like me

But we all got wood and nails

And we turn out hate in factories

We all got wood and nails

And we turn out hate in factories

We all got wood and nails

And we sleep inside of this machine

====================

The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me is a difficult album. For two years I found it too whiny, too emotional and adolescent, but then I found that Jesse Lacey has this knack for taking simplistic, nearly childish musicality and lyricism and turning it into something surprisingly powerful and emotive. The lyrics seem to contain a fair amount of teen angst and insecurity before they take a dramatic turn toward the topics of death, doubt, sorrow, the sinful nature of man and Christ's imminent return. These words were obviously written by a guy who grew up in a youth group, read his bible, probably confessed Christ as savior at one point, and is now fighting a very real battle within himself. A friend of mine calls this album "the soundtrack to spiritual warfare." This song is the soundtrack to the thoughts that I think we all have if we are honest with ourselves. "If this is all real, when I die, am I going where I think I'm going?" 

Your Hand In Mine
by Explosions in the Sky

As I was listening through my music library to pick songs for this list, I was actually blindsided by the emotional reaction I had to this song. Much of this is due to the fact that this is the song that Mandy walked down the aisle to on our wedding day (courtesy of my good friends, Josh and Griffin). It's cliche in a sense, but that was the best day of my life,  and this gorgeous song was the perfect soundtrack to that moment and now serves as a sort of microcosm of all the feelings and memories I have from that day.  With that said, don't let my bias lessen its stand-alone, objective beauty. The guitar line that begins at the two and a half minute mark will melt you, regardless of your attachment to this song.

Options
by Pedro the Lion

We were walking, holding hands

With our bare feet in the sand

And the seagulls overhead

When I broke the spell and said

"I could never divorce you

Without a good reason

And though I may never have to

It's good to have options"

But for now, I need you

But for now, I need you

But for now, I need you

But it was only in my head

Because no one ever says

What they really mean to say

When there's so much at stake

So I told her I loved her

And she told me she loved me

And I mostly believed her

And she mostly believed me

====================

This has been on my mental list of favorite songs for quite a while, and nothing has managed to bump it from its spot. David Bazzan has always employed two writing styles in his work. The first is characterized by an almost childlike sincerity, and the second is marked by sharp but simplistic sarcasm. This song is a representation of the latter, and every single aspect of it plays into Bazzan's overall message. The cliched, jr. high love poem-language he uses in the first verse, the sing-songy melody with which he sings "but for now, I need you," the alternately somber and whimsical tone that the music conveys; it all adds up to a concise, scathingly effective criticism of modern concepts of love, romance, marriage, commitment and relationships as a whole. The intro/outro is an example of masterful guitar writing as well.

So Did We
by Isis

Our Skin Worn Thin
Our Bones Exposed
Life Reduced to Ticks

From Forest Caves and azure Skies
We Chrashed upon this Earth
The Years, they passed and so did we
Yet, Resistance would be formed

====================

I included lyrics for this song simply because it was in-keeping with the overall format of this blog, but I must admit I had no idea what they were until now. The lyrics are not the point of Isis songs, as evidenced by their general scarceness and in-discern-ability. This song represents almost everything I relish in music. Enormous heaviness, beautifully dark textures and melodies, meticulously constructed builds and crescendos, layered dynamics, solid rhythmic queues, and the list goes on. If anything, listen to the song from 3:50 onward. The vocals completely melt away and everything settles into a slow, methodical jam, which perfectly builds for almost four minutes into a colossal wave. Really listen to the nuances in the guitars; how they layer over one-another and build in complexity. One reviewer described Isis' sound as "the way guitars talk to each other when no humans are around." It's almost an absurd statement, but it captures the hypnotic quality their music possesses. Prepare to be startled by the intro.  

The Seer's Tour
by Sufjan Stevens

In the tower above the earth

There is a view that reaches far

Where we see the universe

I see the fire, I see the end

Seven miles above the earth

There is Emmanuel of mothers

With his sword, with his robe

He comes dividing man from brothers

In the tower above the earth, we built it for Emmanuel

In the powers of the earth, we wait until it rips and rips

In the tower above the earth, we built it for Emmanuel

Oh my mother, she betrayed us but my father loved and bathed us

Still I go to the deepest grave

Where I go to sleep alone

====================

I spoke in my first entry about perspective, and to me, this song is perspective itself. The epic, apocalyptic imagery is sung with the delicacy of a lullaby, and one gets the sense of time standing still right as the world ends. The enormity rises and rises until the music stands in reverent silence before the Father referenced in Ezekiel 16. Then, the response I so often have: "Still I go to the deepest grave / where I go to sleep alone." Still I choose to separate myself. Still I choose to revel in death, to be truly alone.

Stand and Feel Your Worth
by Thrice

Wake, stand and feel your worth, O my soul.

Kneel and know the Word that can save us all.

We are fuel and fire both.

We are water.

Wed with wine and ghost.

We are wrought with breath and dirt, washed in second sight.

Woven through the earth, wreathed in rings of light.

Stand and feel your worth, O my soul.

Kneel and know the Word, come to die.

We will wield a second birth, whet our wits and knives.

Wrap our knees in earth, wrap ourselves in light.

Wake, we will weigh and drink this cup.

We will burn, but we will not burn up.

Wake, feel your worth, O my soul.

Speak the Word, the Word that can save us all.

Awed by grace, I fall on my face.

And scream the Word that can save us all.

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This song is simply a battle cry. It is a reminder to see myself as my God sees me. It is the Psalmist's addressing of his own soul. "Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?" Enormous, beautiful, dark and poetic, this song captures the struggle I face in doing just what it says: "Stand and feel your worth, O my soul. Kneel and know the Word. The Word that became flesh and dwelt among us. The Word that died to save us all."

I Have a Blog Now

      I enjoy writing a lot. Articulating the things that float around my soupy brain into coherent thought is an immensely valuable process that I don't engage in nearly enough. I feel that my ability to express has somewhat diminished; that, more than occasionally, my opinions and beliefs on a number of subjects and issues are not actually founded on readily presentable reasons. Writing about things always helps me get my thoughts and feelings in order. 

      This blog is an attempt to combat my deficiency in self-expression. I want to write about a lot of things. I want to better understand my own feelings and convictions about music, theology, filmmaking, relationships, social issues, video games, evangelism, family dynamics, church leadership, politics, etc… And hopefully start a few good discussions along the way. I think it will be a benefit to me, but my hope is that the benefit doesn't stop there. If I am thinking with more clarity and perspective in my day to day life, that will, in one way or another, manifest itself in attitudes and actions that will extend out to my family, my friends, my church and my God in mostly favorable ways. 

      I want to elaborate a bit more on the perspective that I wish to grow in. When I am most attuned spiritually and relationally is when I am seeing things in perspective. This isn't a consistent thing for me at all, but I do get these moments of clarity that are often times inspired by some external input, like a comment by a friend or a line in a book or a sermon. These are the moments where I come to see all of the elements in my life in proper relation to one another, accurately proportioned and contrasted. Priorities line up, needless sinful things diminish in desirability and the fruit of the spirit seemingly becomes more attainable because I see everything (well, surely not everything) as it actually is. 

      All of this comes down to the fact that in these moments of clarity, for just an instant, I see God as He actually is, and He certainly is the great standard-setter, the One whom everything else is measured by. If you want perspective, look to God. Look to His attributes, His character, the things He has done, the promises He has made. Look to Him to understand how you should more accurately view yourself. Surely you will come to two very extreme conclusions. You will be utterly shattered by how seemingly small, insignificant and worthless you are compared to Him, but then you will be simply awed by how much worth you seem to have in His eyes, how much He unconditionally, uncompromisingly loves you. And this perspective is not just useful for self-evaluation, but for bettering one's entire worldview. 

      As we attempt to "do life right," being the fragile, easily distracted, weary people that we are, perspective is everything. We need but just look into the things that we question, investigate our own beliefs and convictions, and most importantly, look to the almighty, triune God. In this we may, in small but precious portions, understand and know Him, and therefore everything else, better. This blog is my own attempt to do these things, for the sake of my own perspective on things big and small. Thanks for reading.